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My Purpose and How I Show Up
There’s a Greek adage I keep close: “Societies grow great when old men plant trees whose shade they shall never sit in.”
I don’t quite consider myself old. But I do own a solid collection of reading glasses, and I know my way around a heating pad. So… I’m getting there.
That quote has become a kind of personal compass. It came into focus during my own coaching journey, and today, it shapes the way I show up as a father, a coach, and a human in relationship with others.
It reminds me that life purpose isn’t just about what I want or achieve. It’s about how I contribute – sometimes quietly, sometimes behind the scenes – toward something larger. Something I may never see fully bloom.
Planting Trees, Holding Space
To me, that “planting trees” metaphor is rich. I’m planting seeds. Sometimes I get to water them or help shape the soil. But the real transformation – the growth, the blossoming, the fruit – comes later. Often, it’s out of my hands, or even my line of sight.
And that’s okay. In fact, it’s kind of the point.
Whether I’m talking to my kids or working with coaching clients, I’m not building my vision of their lives. I’m helping them discover their own. My purpose isn’t to pass down wisdom; it’s to help others find their own.
That’s where the real impact begins.
From Father to… Something Else
I’m still very much a father – and always will be. But as my kids have grown into young men, my role has shifted. They’re off to college now, making their own choices and building lives that look very different from mine. And I love that.
I had a fairly traditional path: college (tech and psych), consulting, a 20-year run at one company, marriage, kids, house, and a routine. But that was my path. Now, I find myself not fully stepping back – more like walking beside – being more of a steady presence. Less of a guide, more of a partner, an ally, a sounding board.
I’ve asked them, not just where they want to go to college, but if they want to. I’ve asked how they want me to show up as their dad. What kind of support feels right for them. And I’ve let them know – no matter what – they’ll always be my family.
Of course, part of me still thinks I know better sometimes. That voice never totally goes away. But I’ve learned (and am still learning) to trust that they’ll figure it out. They are figuring it out.
And when I see how they engage in the world – how they show up for their friends, how they speak up in class, how they create – I see the trees growing. I feel the ripples of impact. Not just in them, but around them.
Coaching Is No Different
This same life purpose shows up in my work with clients. People come to coaching with goals – career pivots, leadership development, difficult transitions. But as we explore those goals, other things start to shift.
Sometimes it’s weeks later. Sometimes months. But I’ll get a glimpse:
- “I’m showing up differently with my daughters.”
- “I was able to assign and get a team of people operating and moving on their own which freed me up.”
- “My son’s class was inspired by what we created together.”
We might be working on a specific topic they brought to session, but the impact stretches far beyond that.
That’s what happens when people start to align with their own purpose. Their relationships shift. Their self-leadership deepens. They create better environments – for themselves and for others.
When You Know What You’re Here For
When you’re clear on your life purpose, everything becomes a channel for it. Parenting, coaching, leading, relating, even the little interactions in line at the grocery store. You find new ways to express it – in big, bold moments and in quiet, invisible ones.
For me, the trees I plant might not bear fruit in my lifetime. I might not get to sit in their shade. But I trust they’re growing. And I trust the world will be better for it.
A Coaching Lens
This perspective is deeply influenced by the Co-Active Coaching model, which views people as naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. Life purpose isn’t a destination – it’s a way of being. A presence. A commitment to what matters most, expressed in relationships and actions.
If you’re exploring your own life purpose, I recommend simply starting by asking:
- “Who do I want to become?”
- “What is the impact I want to have on the people around me?”
- “What trees am I planting?”
The answers often ripple further than we imagine.
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is now.
If this resonates with you – if you’re exploring a relationship, your purpose, or yourself – I’d love to hear from you. Coaching isn’t about having the answers. It’s about discovering your own. Let’s explore what seeds you’re ready to plant.
For Further Reading
Check out this blog post on Finding Alignment in the Glow of Manhattanhenge
A Note From Your NYC Personal Life Coach, Whenever You’re Ready
If something here resonated and you’d like support as you sort through what comes next, I’m here. I’m an online life coach based in New York City, working with people across the United States on mindset, clarity, and joyful personal growth.
Reach me anytime at [email protected].
We can start with a short consultation to help you get clear on one meaningful next step.